Life

每一天我在思想如何與Caca傾談生死的問題。如何能不傷感但積極的談論這個話題。當生命行至盡頭時我們應該用怎樣的心情和態度去面對！每天早晨我祈禱求神教我怎樣過好今天。 如何感受到天堂的美好及在主耶穌懷裏的安慰。我捨不得、真的捨不得也不忍看着女兒在痛苦中行至生命的盡頭！我相信神不會讓Cassidy 在痛苦掙扎中行至人生的盡頭。我祈求神讓我們有足夠的時間、一家人相擁陪伴Cass 有平安、有喜樂地行過這過這段艱苦路程。我仍然熱切地期盼著神蹟的來臨， 或許那是不一樣的神蹟。
"耶和華說：我的意念非同你們的意念；我的道路非同你們的道路。 " (以賽亞書55:8)
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I have been struggling, every day, in how to talk to Caca re life and death topic; how can I jump into this topic positively without any sadness. What kind of mood and attitude should we be in to face the end of life? Every morning I pray and ask God to teach me how to walk the day; how to feel the beauty of heaven and the comfort for being in the arms of our Lord Jesus. I am reluctant, I cannot let go, nor can I stand in watching my daughter to walk, painfully, towards the end of life! I believe that God will not let Cassidy to walk, in the throes, towards the end of life. I pray to God to grant us enough time for the whole family to accompany Cass with peace and joy to walk through this difficult journey. I still pray fervently for miracles, or a different kind of miracles.  
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways"  (Isaiah 55:8)

Looked out from the windows... Thank you, Lord!

I started with my prayer every day once I wake up….. prayed that I would see the way God has prepared for me to live for the day, and that we would know how to help Cass (and us) to focus on the “quality of life”. Then for the prayer time at night, I asked for His guidance on choosing the right school that is suitable for Cass and on whether or not the new chemo drug be taken for Cass’ future treatment.

Cass was about to sleep and I somehow started the topic that I've been struggling to talk with her openly. I couldn't remember how I started but I realized that we were actually talking about heaven....human pains and sufferings around the world.... Cass asked to turn off the light while we were continuing on this precious moment of fellowship about life and death. Then I continued our topic with the sharing on the book "The Case of Faith" which I've been reading it lately (thank you Ruth for sending me her reflection of this book, and that made me start reading it).....I mentioned to Cass that God is all powerful....God is all knowing.....God is all good ....even though we couldn't get the answers of all of our questions especially to the reason why there is so much pain, evil and suffering in the world. (I wish I could have found one for myself)....but we still need to rest our faith and trust on God knowing that we are in His good hands.....we will go to heaven when time comes.....and you might not win this battle of the cancer in the end but it doesn't mean that you didn't fight hard nor did God not answer our prayers....prayers, love and support from all over....God knows what's the best for you and me. And most importantly is that He has drawn our whole family closer together and to Him. We seek him for every step along this journey of battle.....I believed that I had kept going on and on with Cass on the conversation until suddenly I realized that it was her bed time. At last, before I kissed her good night I told her that we could continue to chat on another time. I thanked God for the opportunity to talk with Cass finally about life. It was totally not something I could have planned to talk with her on that night. Somehow we had such an appropriate moment for us. I could never imagine I would have talked to her in that way! I thanked God to listen and answer our prayers in His time that is best for us!

Thank you again for your continuing support and prayers! Please keep remembering Cass and us in your prayers! May God keep guiding us everyday! May the peace and blessings of God be with you all!